F**KING SCOOTERS.

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Before we get into this, let me just clarify a few things.

I am a parent.

My child has a scooter.

My child loves scootering.

I let her scooter frequently.

This is not an altogether anti-scooter piece.

HOWEVER.

I fucking HATE scooters.

In particular when scooters are allowed on busy pavements or on the school-run. Stay with me parents-who-let-their-children-scoot-on-the-school-run. I have no beef with it if they have to walk a long way and scootering is the only way some parents can get their little darling to go the distance. It’s especially fine, if they’re considerate enough to make said child/children get off their scooters once they get near the busy pavements by the school gate. I’m totally here for considerate scootering. However, it is not fine when children on scooters are weaving between hordes of people at potentially 25mph on the pavement. It is also not fine when children are so far ahead of their parents on scooters, the parents can’t really see if they’re knocking into people.

Here is the Oxford dictionary definition of the word pavement: A raised paved or asphalted path for pedestrians at the side of a road.

Here is the Oxford dictionary definition of the word pedestrian: A person walking.

Now I’m not about to suggest that children should be scootering in the road.

(Or am I?)

No…maybe…NO, I’m definitely not, BUT if a child knocks into me at speed whilst I’m WALKING on the PAVEMENT one more time, then well, I’ll probably just mumble under my breath or say something passive aggressive, but you get my point.

There is also, the danger aspect. I have seen children speed into roads on their scooters without really looking or if they have been taught to stop and wait for Mummy before crossing (kudos for this at least) then they stop so suddenly that if you’re unlucky enough to be behind them, you almost fall over them.

Also (nope I ain’t finished yet), if one lets one’s child scooter everywhere a) have they got one leg weaker than the other? b) if they’re not regularly walking to places on their own two feet, is this not detrimental to the development of both their muscles and mental approach to walking?

I have veritably seen a parent park their car, get their child out of the car, pass the child a scooter and let the child scoot no more than 20 steps to the entrance of a building. Is it an actuality that the child couldn’t have coped walking those few steps to the entrance of the building? This was also on a busy street plus the child fell off the scooter in front of me and almost knocked me over (relax, the child was fine, but that isn’t important right now).

Worst of all, are the (albeit minority of) parents who allow their children to freely scoot through the school gates and around the school playground with no regards to anyone else. It’s the attitude being perpetuated that WALKING PEDESTRIANS had better move out of the way as a child on a scooter is coming through. For me, a busy school playground is not the place to do this. It’s crowded, lots of people are walking in all different directions, toddlers are toddling about and playgrounds contain adults and children alike with different mobility issues.

Arguments I’ve heard in favour of letting your child scoot everywhere include:

“It’s healthy exercise”. Yes it is, but do you know what else is healthy exercise for your kids? FUCKING WALKING.

“It’s fun”. Correct, but do you know what else is fun? Space hoppers. Shall we let out children space-hop into school too?

“It’s helps get them to school on time”. Tough one. I don’t know, maybe…try…GETTING UP 5 MINUTES EARLIER.

Other reasons to hate scooters; I hate the way they swing round and whack you in the shins when you try to pick them up.

Also, thank God I don’t live in London anymore as some actual grown up actual adulting adults are choosing scooters as a form of transport to get to work on. I mean ACTUAL adult human beings. Scootering. To work. KILL THEM WITH FIRE.

There’s a time and a place for scooters and it’s not on busy streets, it’s not in school playgrounds and it’s not on the way to bloody work (you gigantic, inconsiderate adult-babies). People walking on the pavement should always have priority.

Right, now I’ve clearly turned into Mary Whitehouse, I’m off to complain to the council about people parking badly (I’m not even vaguely joking, readers).

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See I’m not all bad, I even let my own child scooter sometimes. (NB: This is an old picture, she’s about 900yrs old now).

 

44 comments

  1. Gay Stepdad · March 21

    Ha ha , love this! Love a good sweary rant!

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Traci York · March 21

    Holy cannoli, Batman! While living in a rural community spares me from the scourge of scooters, I was still in tears over your rant! “KILL THEM WITH FIRE.” LMFAO! Hope you get the parking situation sorted. 😀

    Liked by 2 people

    • thebeasley · March 21

      Hahaha, thanks Traci. I fear the parking situation might be an ongoing battle- I might save that for another post! X

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Hugh's Views and News · March 26

    I have exactly the same feeling about people who cycle on pavements, especially when there’s a cycle lane available! 😈 Really gets my blood boiling.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. fattymccupcakes · March 26

    YES!! I’m with Gay Stepdad, I love sweary rants!! This is so spot on, too! I also can’t stand when people ride their bikes on the sidewalk. Sidewalks are strictly for freaking pedestrians! As a teacher, I’m privy to how much people just aren’t teaching their kids these days. Such a lack of common knowledge and decency!

    Liked by 2 people

    • thebeasley · March 26

      Exactly- pavements/sidewalks are for pedestrians- not, speedy annoying modes of transport. I can just imagine what insider knowledge you have as a teacher- scary! X

      Liked by 1 person

  5. The Indecisive Eejit · March 26

    LOL!! Do you feel better now, child scooterers of the world beware 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • thebeasley · March 26

      Haha- yes slightly. That was almost therapeutic for me! X

      Like

  6. What a sassy piece! Thanks for sharing ❤

    Liked by 1 person

  7. shelleywilson72 · September 24

    Hahaha I’ve got a vision of hundreds of space hoppers bopping along the street on the way to school! x

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Monster Mermaid · September 24

    Hah!Now I have a vision of future generations with one massive leg and one tiny one…they’ll be no good for working to pay my pension…we’ll be wheeling them around into our dotage!! 😀

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Lucy Mitchell · September 24

    Hilarious! Great topic. I went through the scooter phase and loved the skin on my ankles being removed when a child rammed into me with their scooter 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  10. MindOverMeta · September 24

    Amen to this! Scooters are a pain in the ass! I do admit to having a scooter when I was little. It was made by BMX so it had fat inflatable wheels and I only ever rode it in the park, not on the busy streets where I lived. Therefore I feel smug and justified in agreeing with you ha ha!

    Liked by 1 person

    • thebeasley · September 24

      And you have every right too. I’m all for sensible scootering. It’s the inconsiderate, entitled scootering that I can’t abide.

      Liked by 1 person

  11. You Can Always Start Now · September 24

    I am with you on this. Also hate bikes, skateboards on the sidewalk also. I worry about seniors getting hit and knocked down when they are not that stable. Breaking a hip for someone could mean the end of their independence. I hate the sense of entitlement some people feel – move for me as it is all about me. AAAAHHHH.. good post.

    Liked by 1 person

    • thebeasley · September 24

      Aarrggh yes it’s a real sense of entitlement. On Friday, I saw one child weave between two toddlers (almost knocked them over) then narrowly missed a small boy on crutches! I was so incensed!

      Like

  12. Claire Wong · September 24

    I saw a grown man take a scooter onto the train yesterday! Maybe it helped him reach the station on time…

    Liked by 1 person

    • thebeasley · September 24

      And I bet he didn’t have an ounce of shame. The human race is doomed.

      Like

  13. angelanoelauthor · September 24

    Ha! Adulating adults using scooters (and we’re not talking Vespas) to get to work is something else. I’m all for embracing my inner child, but I can’t quite get behind scootering. Worse, I don’t WANT to be behind any of these people scooting on my perfectly walkable sidewalk. My child does have a scooter, and holy bananas I hate the way that thing bonks my shins. Love the kid, hate his scooter. Rant justified, and hilarious. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  14. Gloria · September 24

    Yes I’ve experienced the whack on the shins & ankles many times. 😣😣

    Liked by 1 person

  15. Jeremy@ThirstyDaddy · September 24

    this cracked me up. We live in a somewhat rural area, so there isn’t a lot of sidewalk, but there is a skate park where all the kids go to fly over ramps and do tricks. My daughter loves it, gives me anxiety

    Liked by 1 person

    • thebeasley · September 24

      Oh I know. I’ve literally just been out with my daughter on her scooter & I was constantly anxious.

      Like

  16. emfletche · September 24

    Ha, love it! A good Sunday rant…don’t get me started on the screaming kids running around Ikea as I battled a hangover this morning…

    Liked by 1 person

    • thebeasley · September 24

      There should be a cage to keep kids in when you first enter Ikea. I might write a letter suggesting this.

      Liked by 1 person

  17. Think. Write. Inspire. · September 24

    I love that picture of your daughter! That made my whole day. And, yes, I have wacked my shin more than once picking up the scooter my kids couldn’t put in the right place!!

    Liked by 1 person

    • thebeasley · September 25

      Bloody scooters! Thank you- I love that photo of her on the scooter 😍

      Like

  18. hotmessmemoir · September 24

    You had me at F******* scooters! So true! There is a little boy on my street that glides obliviously into the street despite oncoming traffic. He has too much trust that the drivers arent bat shit crazy! I feel your pain!

    Liked by 2 people

  19. josypheen · September 25

    Oh my goodness I love this piece. Also…now I feel bad that I bought my niece a scooter for her birthday…

    Liked by 1 person

    • thebeasley · September 25

      Haha. It’ll be fine as long as she’s taught to scooter with consideration for other human beings.

      Liked by 1 person

  20. kedawithani · October 21

    😂😂😂😂

    Liked by 1 person

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