Don’t Make Me Go Out

Oh my God, please don’t make me go out on a night out. Don’t make me go out out. I’m very almost 42 year of age and I’ve finally come to the conclusion, I fucking hate going out. Now, don’t get me wrong, this isn’t an anti-social piece. I love socialising. I love my friends. I love getting together with them for a gossipĀ  discussion about world politics and down bucket loads of pinot grigio enjoy a tipple or two with them, BUT going out into the outside world and rubbing shoulders with strangers just isn’t my ideal way to spend my spare time anymore.

I’ve been thinking about my favourite social appointments that I’ve had over the last year and which ones I’ve enjoyed the most. Every single one of them has involved being inside a home rather than actually being out.

1) A Halloween party- at a friend’s HOUSE

2) A 50th Birthday party- at my cousin’s HOUSE

3) A wedding anniversary party- at my aunt’s HOUSE

4) My Mum’s 70th- at my brother’s HOUSE

5) Drinks with all my Mum friends- at one of their HOUSES

6) A dinner party- at a friend’s HOUSE

7) A New Year’s Eve party- at a friend’s HOUSE

You get the idea. Love socialising. Hate being in the real world.

Advantages to socialising in homes rather than the real world:

  • don’t have to queue to get a drink
  • economically pleasing
  • nice and cosy. Ooh I do like cosy
  • much more comfortable. Call me boring, but I like a seat and a comfortable seat at that
  • I can actually hear what people are saying
  • not as much pressure to dress up. I think I’m done with dressing up. I can’t wear heels anyway and I’ve no interest in anyone else finding me sexually attractive and quite frankly, I just can’t be arsed.
  • you get to stay in one place the whole evening. No faffing about, walking from bar to bar and as this is the UK- usually in the rain.
  • don’t have to contend with being felt up at the bar. Some people might actually miss this special feature of going out out though.
  • free snacks
  • warmer. Your evening begins inside. You stay inside.
  • More potential to have control over what music is played.

Advantages of going out out:

  • I like pub quizzes. I don’t mind going out for a pub quiz. And just staying in that pub all evening. You know, a nice cosy pub with comfortable seats and an open fire and music not too loud. Like a home from home kind of pub.
  • And I like eating out because you know- food. However, not too often. And I prefer eating out during the day really to be honest. A boozy lunch. I’m up for that.
  • Going out in the evening is good if you like going out in the evening. I don’t.

Now please understand, when I have gone out out with friends, I’ve had plenty of excellent nights. It’s just that as I get older and let’s be completely honest here more boring and much, much more lazy, I like these nights out to be few and far between. Unless you’re inviting me to your gaff for a knees up, then I’d be there in a shot. In all seriousness, I really struggle to hear what’s being said when I go out out, so increasingly it’s just not that much fun for me. The best nights I’ve had out out in recent years have been nights out with just one other person and that’s probably because everything they say is directed towards me at close proximity i.e. I get to hear most of what they say. However, hearing problems aside, I do also feel like I’m a lazy arse when it comes to going out out, so I still don’t think I could be bothered to go to the effort of going out even if I could hear perfectly.

In conclusion, going out is shit and I’m surprised it’s still a thing. Staying in is everything.

What about you? Are you team going out or team staying in?


Here’s a recent picture of me going out whilst remaining inside a house. I thoroughly recommend it.