World Book Day is upon us and yet again the streets are filled with tiny Harry Potters, Wallys and Alices. Terrifying. Every year many parents lovingly spend hours creating a beautiful costume for their children to wear. However, if you’d rather pay out money for a shiny new costume than spend the time and stress on attempting to cobble something together, then never fear, you can sit down with me. Yes, every year I say to myself “Fuck that” and click a button on the internet smugly, safe in the knowledge that I can spend my time with my child constructively doing things that I’m sure she appreciates much more.
So here are all the wonderful constructive things that I do with my time rather than putting together some sort of witch outfit made from a bit of black material for my child to wear.
- Tell my child to just hold on one minute as she begs for a drink whilst I chat irreverent shit to my best mate on Messenger.
- Peruse Boden for clothes that I’ll never afford.
- Stand in the kitchen for half an hour with all the cupboards, the fridge and the freezer doors open whilst wondering what the hell I can cook for tea tonight.
- Repeatedly march up and down the wine aisle with child in hand as I can’t decide if I’m in a Pinot or Sauvignon mood tonight.
- Tell my child to please hold on just one more second as I cyber stalk someone on Instagram.
- Search Netflix for something for my child to watch that doesn’t involve a bloody Swan Princess, so I can peacefully complete a Buzzfeed quiz on my phone.
- Wonder why RSI has kicked in yet again in the hand that’s holding my phone.
- Argue with my other half about why when I send him to the supermarket, he only ever comes back with half of the things on the list and he then tells me that the supermarket must not sell things like bread and orange juice.
- Check Rightmove for the tenth time that day, just in case a new house has come on the market. You snooze, you lose!
- Realise the outfit that I ordered for her is too big , so I have to spend time altering it anyway.*
- Write this blog.
So yes, be wise, be like me and spend an obscene amount of money on an outfit that your child will wear for one day and never again.
*Haha I’m joking. As IF I would ever pick up a needle and thread. I get HIM to do it.
P.S. I’m not against people creating outfits for their children. I personally just don’t have the talent, patience nor the inclination to create one i.e. I’m lazy.